Of A Letter To My Crush

Dear Heart

You wanted me to be your Valentine but what is a Valentine?

crystal heart

I hope you do not wish me to write you a farewell note and sign it from your Valentine then my head gets chopped off, for you see I am rather attached to my head; and that, according to some legends, is what happened to the first person to send a note signed from your Valentine.

Valentines

History and legend have various martyrdom stories of people named Valentine killed rather violently on the 14th of February, so when you ask me to be your Valentine and I go silent, I really trying to figure out if you want me dead.

Dear Heart if you are asking me to count how many ways I love you I would need more than one day, I would need each morning of everyday; every sunset, every sunrise, each breath and every sigh……..

chasing joy

Dear Heart…. If you love flowers I would help you grow a lil garden or maybe gift you a pot plant or show you how to grow flowers in teabags. I find it a touch disturbing how people give each other flowers essentially demonstrating that I killed these beautiful flowers for you, now watch them fade and wilt because I love you

flower in my garden

  Dear Heart if you were a flower in my garden, I would never pick you, I would be the sun and in the warmth of my love you would bloom. ♥♥♥

Dear Heart, I find Valentine’s Day a commercialised scam and the only people who actually gain from it, are the people who sell love’s paraphernalia and I hope you dont think I am saying that but because I could not afford to get you something nice nor is it because the post office people would not let me dress in wrapping paper; tie a ribbon around myself and affix a postage stamp marked Special Delivery.

Image result for special delivery clip art

Dear Heart, did you know that way before Valentine’s Day came to be in honour of slain Saints, the period used to be a weird fertility festival involving the ritual sacrifice of goats and dogs and whippings

Lupercalia

Dear Heart I hope you are not I mad at me for making you rethink what Valentine means but if you are, I would tie a cape around your neck and say “Now you are Super Mad

Dear heart; I am not saying anything by it but have you noticed that

Cupid rhymes with Stupid

Love always

~B

Of Self-Love #IAMme

Its the month of love, and and you cant help noticing splashes of red in adverts as they “subtly” try to remind you its Valentines’s Month

splash of red

Here I was watching tv soapies “for research purposes” when I came across the new Ackermans lingerie advert promoting self-love and body positivity themed the #IamMe campaign.

As soon I finished watching it, I was like what did I just watch?……. because I loved it……, wait not like love love more like like like

Here’s the thing, traditionally lingerie adverts have been impossibly shaped models, posing like they know Victoria’s Secret; in air brushed shoots that leave unrealistic expectations not to mention defining beauty standards for the everyday folk.

The Ackermans advert was shot with the barest of touch-ups, celebrating the (flaws) uniqueness and diversity in body shapes sizes and colours. A celeb-studded cast of 5 vivacious personalities graced the set, parading their insecurities, vulnerabilities and true selves.

Who am I ..... Busiswa

“Nobody thought that I would do a lingerie campaign right, right! But look at me now.”

Busiswa Gqulu SA music star

Don’t let your body stop you from doing anything that you want to do

Busiswa
who am I .... Kim Jayde


My mother always stressed the importance of trusting the voice inside of me. There is nothing more powerful than woman’s intuition

Kim Jayde MTV base presenter

“It’s all about that body positivity and loving every curve, every line, everything, just own it! It’s who you are. That’s what makes you beautiful.” 

Kim Jayde
Who am I .... Pearl

“Growing up I wasn’t always body positive, but I think growing into my own over the years has allowed me to really just accept myself.”

Pearl Modiadie Televison Host and Radio Presenter

“My mother always stressed the importance of trusting the voice inside of me. There is nothing more powerful than woman’s intuition

Pearl

I’ve finally accepted that beautiful doesn’t mean flawless, so embrace every one of your flaws “

who am I Rami

I’ve got stretch marks on my tummy and I never used to like them, people confusing me with a zebra, but then I thought, you know what, they look like flames, they look like fire and I actually like that.

Rami Chuene Actress and TV Star

“We need to learn to accept that we can never look the same, people have different shapes and sizes and the more you embrace what you have, the more beautiful you become.” 

Rami
who am I Minki

Its important to tell each other that we are beautiful

Minki van der Westhuizen Actress and Tv Personality

“I just want to be the best version of myself and I want to be real and approachable.”

Minki
#IAMme

The campaign seeks to leverage the influence these ladies wield and hope that some of the self love trickles down…. (and also sell a bra or two of course)

Who AM I? I am Fire and I am just a man behind women supporting other women and sometimes I write about it….

Give your self the best Valentine’s gift and love who you are…..

….ladies join the movement

Next time the advert pops up on tv though it really should have a warning tag so I can close my eyes because growing up we were taught that peeking at the female form one would result in one developing a stye on the eye….

.…which is why I wrote this whole post with my eyes closed and thats my story…..

~B

Image Credits: Ackermans IG page

Of Coffee and total crashes

If you were having coffee with me, we would be having mango juice, because if life gives you mangoes…..

Actually, if life gives you fruit, any fruit, you must be very careful of what is in the coffee or mango juice you have been drinking; because life is not in the habit of walking around giving people fruit; if its any consolation though, life has not been throwing rocks at you

So life give you mangoes…….

Fridge full of mangoes

  • Peel and slice
peel and slice mangoes
  • Blend
  • Serve chilled

If you were having mango juice with me, I would ask you how old you were when you discovered, for yourself, that a computer hard-drive is nothing more than a shiny, disc…..

.….A super spinny disc turning round and round and every now and then it makes a ticking noise as it turns a little bit slower, turning round and round as your files disappear every now and then until it falls apart, what can I say its total crash of the hard drive

When your hard drive starts making the ticking sound of death, back up your data stat,

The blue screen of death
The Blue Screen Of Death

If you were having coffee with me, I would tell you that, according to a cabinet minister revelation, the Reserve Bank has paid for enough fuel supplies to to cover the next two years so the public should not panic

But given the track record of the state media and government, when they officially say one thing, one starts preparing for the opposite, dont panic they say…….

Meanwhile the president made a clarion for dialogue inviting the 20+ presidential candidates from the 2018 elections to discuss a framework for the way forward for the nation, but the two main contenders snubbed the meeting one citing that a photo opportunity is not dialogue and the word on the street is its like dip tank attendant inviting farmers who own no livestock ….

If the image in the Sunday Mail local paper can be believed then the austerity measures though bitter, are making country better……

sunday mail cartoon, yes a bit better but will make you better soon

If you were having coffee with me I would say hey, its the month of and Valentine’s in a few days, plans? no plans? why cant everyday be valentine or valentines’s for what, isnt that in honour of a beheading? you tell me

St Valentines beheaded

Have an awesome one and happy heart week ♥♥♥♥

~B

Photocredit St valentine beheaded: TimesIllustrated

Of Love and Life in The Digital Age

You are familiar with the Three Mystic Apes also known as the Three Wise Monkeys:

See No Evil Hear No Evil Speak No evil

See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil

Mizaru, with eyes covered, sees no evil; Kikazaru, with covered ears, hears no evil; and Iwazaru, covering mouth, speaks no evil….

Well there is fourth whose wisdom and mysticism is somewhat debatable:

monkey with a phone  He sees nobody, he hears nobody and he speaks to nobody……. and yet on the internet the world is his oyster……

I always take what I read on the internet with a pinch of salt because much as it is a fun creative space, reducing physical distance into nothing more than a click on a screen, it seems to warp reality as we perceive it……

The more our phones capture reality, each new model with better camera, higher number of pixels and a bigger  screen with high definition screen; the less we actually experience it. It seems we have become a generation that seeks validity and relevance by the number of likes and retweets we get online, outsourcing even our conscience to online personas.

Sometimes it seems like people go out of their way to post pictures or share video clips from their lives to prove how they have made it in life or how awesome their dream holiday is even how perfect their relationship is. Almost as if they need the world’s approval to convince themselves that they have indeed arrived. Well maybe you have made it, but as for the rest of the easily swayed world who try to compete every second of their lives to a single moment, captured in a well-timed photo, disappointment awaits you…

Valentine’s has come and gone; with its commercialised; over hyped up trimmings, and of course throw in smart phones and the internet and suddenly people out to show how their better half is best; better than anyone else’s. Some seem to date simply so they can show off. I am sure a relationship is not a competition and Relationship Olympics are not an actual Olympic event but hey people are out there winning the Boyfriend Olympics and the Girlfriend Olympics on the internet.

Relationship Olympics

How do you stay in your lane if you want to Keep Up With The Internet Citizens who star in their own Reality Shows right on our internet timelines.

I read an interesting quote along the lines of :

“If you are going to do good deeds/charity work leave your camera behind”

I wonder if he knew, Alexander Graham Bell, back when he invented the telephone how much control his invention would have over our lives

The next time you are outside and happen to see the perfect sunset don’t take out your phone and take a picture just look at it until the light fades away…

sunset

~B

 

PS why wait only for Valentine’s Day to show how much someone means to you anyway? Live every day like its Valentine’s day.

The fourth monkey is called Post No Evil

Post No evil

 

 

photo Credit: Freaking News

 

Of Coffee On WashDay

If you were having coffee with me…… you would be in time to join me on my washday ritual. Washday for me comes every once in an assymetrical number of days, possibly weeks sometimes monthly there is no definite system, but usually the weekend before a week with events I want to look my best…… Happy Valentine’s day  ♥♥♥♥

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WashDay I circle it on my calendar in red over and over again and in case you are wondering, washday is not about laundry, it is a whole day dedicated to all things hair. I have twisted locks and you can tell by the length of my locks I am fanatic about it, you can call me Rasta B  

b.jpg

First step is oil treatment or a conditioning mask, shampooing the hair makes it dry and brittle so first I pre-oil.

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After that the soap opera begins, detangling, anti-dandruff shampoo…. Lather, rinse and repeat until the hair foams freely and the rinse water runs clear. My eyes always wind up blood-red like I have been huffing paint; I have tried No More Tears Shampoo, but am not sure how much of it one must drink to stop the tears, though you start burping really cool bubbles. Sometimes when I run out of shampoo I use dish-washing liquid, and fabric softener as a conditioner. Some say it’s a terrible idea, some say its ok, all I know is it works except for an urge to want to wipe down dishes in the kitchen sink with my hair.

I am currently raving about a shampoo I bought from a street salesman. H e approached me while I was walking in town and said “Rasta Big Up, I promise if you buy this stuff you wont regret it” and since it cost only $1 I decided why not. He even gave me his number assuring me I would be placing a future order.

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I was a bit skeptical the bottle and label is unremarkable and the unscented gel shampoo smells is like detergent but I have to give it  a thumbs up a single palmful lathers up my entire hair and it doesnt dry it out. I think it has traces of conditioner and moisturiser in it. I’ll definitely be calling him up for my next fix.

If you were having coffee with me we would sit in the sun, and warm up after that soap opera affair as we wait for my hair to drip dry. One always hopes washday falls on a nice warm and sunny day.

sun.jpg

Next I section my hair into some sort of buns or is it bangs? I am not quite sure. Followed finally by retwisting all the new hair growth with beeswax; some oil and moisturiser.

burn.jpg

My hairdresser introduced me to this hair Ganjalizer Super Natural Herbal Hair Food. I suspect it has questionable legality issues seeing as the label claims it contains 100% Ganja also known as marijuana, cannabis, weed, herb, hemp…. People who sell it don’t display it and if you look like a plain clothed policeman undercover (i.e clean shaven; plain bald head) and ask for it they will tell you it’s out of stock.

ganja.jpg

Ganjalizer

It does have the scent of marijuana and I think when you use it you might want to stay away from police sniffer dogs or areas where drug searches are conducted…. just to be safe. Common street myth is if you want your hair to grow luxuriously infusing marijuana seeds into your petroleum jelly and using that as hair food is the holy grail.

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If you were having coffee with me I would tell you about the acid test of successfully completed washday.

The Acid Test …. Walking downtown in an area where hairdressers and barbers are lined up on the pavement seeking out clients… If not a single one of them calls you and says “lets style or cut” or offer any service done on your hair then you know your hair is on point. Though sometimes just to fool you they might just call you…….

If you were having coffee with me I would ask you if a random hot person compliments you on your hair and then when you smiling and feeling yourself graciously trying to accept the compliment and then they suddenly say “By the way I am a hairdresser, here is my card call me sometime……” how genuine was the compliment they paid you or did they speak to you just to solicit for a potential client and would you call them?

Thanks for the visit do you have any hair routines and tips you might want to share? Have a happy heart day.

~B

Ps Some guys have washday too ☻☺☻

 

Of Special Delivery

Genre: Comedy

He walked with the pace of one who had absolutely no rush to get anywhere. He seemed deep in thought, shoulders hunched head bowed over his phone in a question mark posture. He was going through his pone checking if that crazy doctor had not done anything malicious  to his phone.
The phone seemed to be fine, except for an unreasonable number of missed calls and unread messages. Didn’t people realise it, if your call was not answered after two call attempts calling every other minute would not yield any results,either who ever you were calling could not otherwise pickup the phone or they simply did not want to talk to you.

His phone had been held hostage in lieu of restaurant bill that had been paid for him by The Doctor and in return for getting it back, he had agreed, to distribute advertising flyers. It was a fair enough transaction except for the part where X would rather be caught dead than stand at the traffic intersection handing out flyers. His Father was one of the wealthiest people in this city after all and work of any sort was beneath him. Which is why he was currently broke, because his fool of a father had decided to cut him off from the family purse, so he could learn the value of money. But X already knew the value of money, what’s the point of having all the money in the world, if you had to work, well one day his fool of a father would be dust and all of this would be his.

His father was probably worried about him, he had not talked to him or gone back home since his credit card got stolen. He was currently crashing on the couch of a girl who worked at his dad’s bank, who was sweet on him. Lovely girl really, who was probably right now waiting for him, to show up for a Valentine’s day dinner. She had said she would pay, leap year, ladies treat, and he plum forgot, which is probably why she was trying to call him, he put the phone on silent and put it back in his pocket.

call.jpg

He would have to come up with a story to tell her for blowing her off, if he wanted a place to stay for the night but then The Doctor had said to him, if he needed anything all he had to do was but ask, maybe he would, except a part time of him, a voice he had long since stopped listening to, told him, that he should not be any more indebted to that guy than he already was. If X did not think that the his guardian angel had long since been fired then the voice came from the hole  where his conscience was supposed to be.

Post-Box.jpgOn impulse he took the bundle of flyers he was suppose to distribute for the Doctor and posted it into the red post office drop box. “Let the mailman do his job for him” he though as he laughed to himself. “Xman would never hustle a street corner like some pimp.” Abruptly he stopped laughing as a feeling of being watched washed over him almost as if a bucket of icy cold water had been poured over him, goosebumps even popped up, but just as quickly the sensation passed and he was fine.

He looked up and noticed a florist with a bunch of Valentine’s accessories looking at him. “Good evening, Sir,” she greeted him with a smile “buy a rose for your Valentine and get a mystery gift.” If the florist was not cute he would have probably kept walking and not looked back. Instead X went through change, he found a few loose bills and coins, it did not add up to much, he might be a narcissist  but he was not a fool. He needed to get home with a gift, hell hath no fury like a woman stood up. He really wanted to buy roses but his financial situation was complicated, he settled for a box of heart shaped lollipops instead.

dsc_.jpgHe practised what he would say, “Roses are red, violets are blue, these hearts are sweet and so are you..” she would eat that up. It would workout, it always worked, he winked at the lady who sold him the flowers and blew her a kiss as he walked away, whistling.

~~The End

My entry this week for #BlogBattle: Themed lollipop. 

Hope your Valentine’s day was a blast

Cheers

~B

P.S. The story continues from here