Of Coffee With Uncle B

If you were having coffee with me, I would ask you if you remember our previous chat about a tradition for expectant mothers, Coffee with a masungiro goat…

Mbudzi yeMasungiro

You can properly congratulate me now, I am now uncle to my sister’s bouncing baby boy. It’s a funny phrase “bouncing baby boy” considering they don’t bounce as a basketball would, if they fall to the ground there will be a whole lotta noise of the crying kind.

If you were having coffee with me, I would tell I find it a tad pretentious people seeing a newborn baby and immediately likening the baby to other relatives and no one seems to acknowledge that the newborn pretty much looks like a baked potato with fingers curled tightly into balls…

Also it would be to your mortal advantage to not refer to someone’s baby as an IT, when asking if the baby is a male or female, I know this now.

If you were having coffee with me, I would tell I am still adjusting to my baby sister having a baby, well she is no longer a baby; she is a grown woman and married mother of one, but in my head she is still a tiny four year old in a cute blue dress with a white sash; biting into a tomato and smiling at the camera for a kodak moment.

I am uncle to many other nephews and nieces yet dad to none, same way I have been part of groomsmen bridal train been the MC and never the groom… and guess what in a week my brother is getting married and I am the best man wish us luck and congratulations; as he has his church wedding after having done the traditional marooro/marriage ceremony first (you can read about that here)

Ray and B

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you a curious thing about being an uncle, it’s a lot like being deputy parent but with option to return baby to parents when they start crying, you are just there for the fun things and to steal candy from the baby.

stealing candy from a baby

Stealing candy from a baby is easy just make funny faces take their candy while they laugh, or if they are having particularly delectable snacks you can just pretend to be a puppy and bark “woof woof feed the puppy baby” and they will literally have you eating out of their palms, you are welcome.

Uncle beaton
Uncle B

If you were having coffee with me, I would tell that with the way this country’s economy is going, babies wont even have the fun kind of food that one would want to steal, the prices of the basics keep through the roof yet for most people the salaries are remaining the same(thats for the lucky few who have jobs) ladies and gentleman we have a crisis brewing, I keep wondering how bad things have to go, before well something happens.

For now I can still crack jokes like how if someone were to ask me to take them somewhere expensive I would take them to a Fuel Service Station and buy them bread from the Convenience Store there; unless they prefer to wine and dine on expensive petrol but I don’t think their liver would appreciate petrol on an empty stomach.

 expensive fuel clip art

If you were a drinking person, I would tell you I have stopped drinking on a recommendation from my Doctor, he says I cant afford to drink, he would know, he is the governor of the Reserve Bank and one of the architects of our economic rollercoaster ride.

If you were having coffee with, we would talk about Cyclone Kenneth, the second cyclone to ravage Mozambique barely a month after the last Cyclone Idai, in an unprecedented frequency of having such destructive disasters this close together. There is a direct relation between climate change and the increase in frequency and intensity of natural disasters and the world really needs to actively start doing something as the dry spells get longer and then when it rains it floods.

If you were having coffee with me I would thank you for dropping by and ask how it has been in your part of the world before wishing you an awesome week ahead.

~B

PS and here’s to the drama of having to answer when I am getting married

19 Comments

    1. You want to be my plus one at my brother’s wedding? there wont be coffee bt definitely cake lol Hey what you doing on the 1st of May if you in Harare we having a blogging workshop do come through.
      ~B

      Like

  1. As the uncle, you will have to start charging us to read your blogs. If you trusted banks you could have deposited the paper into a 5 year fixed investment just to afford the candy on his first day of school.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahaha funny you should suggest that, its been a niggling thought at the back of my head, with the way our internet prices are set up I might have to come up with sustainable model of running my blog which do not involve me pimping out of my morals and brand me lol

      Our banks cant be trusted, and if you keep money in the bank, history shows you might as well kiss it goodbye, no interest accrued only bank charges and tax and inflation eroding the value, at one point I had about a quintillion Zim dollars in bank account, it wasnt as awesome as it sounds practically everyone was a multibillionaire of a worthless currency which just eventually got scraped to make way for a new mickey mouse currency; so as you can see making 5 year fixed investment, is not a hot idea…. unless I had one in an offshore account with real money then that would be the bizkniz lol hmmm if i set up an account in another country and people paid money into that on the other hand… I will have to think on this I didnt do any banking and finance studies lol
      ~B

      Like

      1. I hear there’s a concept of patronage on YouTube. The idea is, if you have a consistent audience that truly appreciates your work (time and quality spent on your writing), you create an online account for the audience to donate say 1USD per month. That way you can continue affording the host/internet charges without compromising your morals and brand.

        I value your updates more than the news so I definitely would sign up as your patron. I suspect I’m not the only one.

        It plays on the concept that we know a dollar in one country is worth something else in another so those not adversely affected (us) can stop romanticizing the struggle of Zimbabwe by carrying some weight with you to give you a break.

        Think about it. Try it. If it kicks off great and if not abandon ship.

        #iamanaccountant #thereshouldbenosuchthingasfreelunchforsomeofus #nopressure

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Uncle B, congrats to your sister. Have fun at your brother’s wedding. In UG, we have interesting events going on but it’s nothing new. I wonder if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Have a great week ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Miss Kizza Thank you for the wishes and for visiting…
      Hahaha well the optimist will say if you cant decide if something is good or bad, then its good sounds like a plan, what interesting events are going maybe one day I just might drop through UG one can wish yes?
      ~B

      Like

      1. Maybe the optimist is right. He he between one MP being stopped from holding his concerts,to him being under house arrest to now being in Luzira prison until God knows when,missing people turning up dead and me looking forward to the Uganda International Writers Conference from 15-17th May. quite an eventful April Uganda has had.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This is a wrong post to comment but today I have a bit more data to spare and I MUST leave my comment here because it’s stuck on my mind.

    You said bananas reduce bathroom breaks? I have been taking this very seriously and eaten more bananas from that post. I drink a lot of water and going to the washroom becomes something close to breathing 😂 it also happens, as I was reading that particular post, I was actually eating a banana!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I wonder if being an Uncle, (or Aunt,) would be a little like being a grand parent? The fun part, but without the responsibility, sort of. Everyone I know that have become grandparents says that is the best thing they every experienced. Congrats Uncle, and thank you for the coffee!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think Maria is on to something, but I too have only been an uncle and a dad. Those two are miles apart and I’ve seen how becoming a grandparent turned my mom, one of the cleverest and brightest women I’ve ever known into mush. She did things with her grandchildren she never would have done with me and my sisters. So, I rate becoming an uncle as a pure fun event. Becoming a parent is the best emotional rush ever and becoming a grandparent is paramount to instant dementia.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. If you were having coffee with me I would tell you a curious thing about being an uncle, it’s a lot like being deputy parent but with option to return baby to parents when they start crying, you are just there for the fun things and to steal candy from the baby.

    PS and here’s to the drama of having to answer when I am getting married

    I laughed sooooo loud to both. I wish your family well.

    Liked by 1 person

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