Of Thoughts From The Porcelain Throne

Advisory: You already know from the title this is the sort of article inspired while sitting on the porcelain throne in the quiet place of the castle

Inspiration for this article was three pronged, the first being a comment by Bookstooge about how someone with suspenders might face challenges going to the bathroom (and incase if you similarly think suspenders are tricky, how about one piece overalls – I once spend a day in one of those and my heart goes out to those fashionista divas who slay in their jump suits)

after having spent whole day in a one piece overall worksuit, I have a question for ladies who rep jump suits…"how you go to the loo?" pic.twitter.com/ZpJxaedYSM

— ~B 🇿🇼 (@Beatonm5) April 27, 2017

The second half of the inspiration was from an article by M. on existential answers and some while sitting on that bathroom throne.

The third and last prong in this formation came from a variation to my usual routine where I carry my phone to the bathroom for meditation purposes; while also using the time to catch up on my socials and reply to my messages. So I left my phone charging because still had electricity at the time (its such a fickle visitor) and I didnt know what to do with myself.

Reading the label on the toilet bleach; reading the yellow pages that might be in the bathroom incase of emergencies.. The old telephone directory finds some use after all…

Our phones are so intrusive, I almost don’t know how to be by myself without my phone. How about you?

In obscurely polite conversation in Shona, the toilet is referred to as “imba yerunyararo” which translates to.. House Of Silence. Makes sense how when you are in there and someone shouts your name you might just pretend not to hear them ha! Hush! Inside voice... 🤫

Its usually so silent that you can hear the footsteps making their way towards you, then you have do that fake cough that lets someone know the space is occupied. I used to think it was something I thought up by myself but turns out its some sort of universal code haha!

Then of course there’s the times when someone will knock on the toilet door, then proceed to try to open the door… I mean why knock, if you are still going to try opening without waiting for a response… Oh, you were checking if someone inside would answer.? What if they told you to come in ha!

But of course we always mumble something inaudible like occupied or someone in or and life goes on..😅

There I was, thinking about all these things because I didnt have my phone to distract me and as soon as I got it back I was like hmmmm I should post this on my blog… I am curious to know how you handle bathroom etiquette or you just roll with it…

I suppose its easy if you stay alone or with very few people where you know each other’s routines or can do a quick headcount to check if anyone is in the bathroom. For the more communal setting it can get awkward.

I have been to places where you cant lock the door because you wont be able to unlock it, I have been trapped even. I have been to places where you brace a bucket or laundry basket against the door so people know there is someone in there… and of course down in the countryside where the pit latrine toilets have no doors, you do it the hard way by listening for approaching footsteps then boldly exclaim, “There’s someone here!” to save the both of you embarrassment.

And sometimes just to avoid drama… hold it in until you get home.

~B