Becoming The Muse

Coffee With When The Cows Came Home

If you were having coffee with me I would welcome you to my tangle of words, make yourself at home, have a hug in a mug, some liquid warmth would be good, winter is definitely here.

Apparently, it’s the worst season to be single, according to social media which is full of people asking how single people survive the long days and cold nights. I hope they keep same energy when the summer sweltering heat comes through and I ask how they are sharing their bed with a human stove. Anyway how do we survive the cold, water bottles, lots of blankets and pillows arranged in a fort. Ok, thanks bye!.

If you were having coffee with me, I would tell you that while scrolling Facebook, I ran into anniversary update that could have very easily been my 20^th anniversary had I been a teen groom. Now that I am at age where I mention a female name to my village people, they look at me suggestively to ask if this one is the one… as if its some sacrifice to be thrown into a volcano as tribute, to stop it from erupting.

I sometimes wonder if I turned down a gift from the ancestors, who only give once. There is a Shona Proverb chawawana batisisa mudzimu haipe kaviri meaning hold tight to what you have the ancestors dont gift twice… Them ancestors be a tough crowd.

So some back story, I am an African Prince, and I don’t mean the internet kind who will entangle you into a romance scam. Don’t let my cool demeanour fool you, I come from a royal lineage and I also own a square foot of land in the Scottish Highlands which makes me a Lord, I have a certificate that says so and all, so it must be true.

Back to my African ancestry… My grandfather used to have quite the extensive herd of cattle, being royalty has its perks. He was also a generous man, strict, but generous. He would lend out his cattle to families in need, under the guise of asking them to help him look after his cattle; in return they got milk from the cows and would keep some of the off-spring, that way someone who had no cattle of their own would end up with cattle, an ingenious way of helping that kept everyone’s pride intact.

Years after my grandfather transcended to a higher plane of existence, there was a family which still owed grandad for his cattle. A combination of drought and disease had wiped away their livestock leaving them indebted and unable to return the cattle as per arrangement. While no one from the family held it against them, they took it upon themselves to find ways of honouring their debt.

If you are having coffee with me, I would tell you that traditionally cows are a symbol of wealth and prestige; not only do they provide sustenance, they provide labour and transportation, they are required in various traditional ceremonies, from cheka ukama to mombe yehumai, they are the key currency in bride price when marrying… Cattle are big deal.

So it came to be that one school holiday, I visited my grandmother Mbuyahwe and I ate a frog for the first time. The bull frog, homu yatatani or daddy’s cow is a dish fit for a king and once I ate the frog I was regarded as a household head able to hold court on household issues. That was when my grandmother informed me that there were people who sought an audience with me (well not me personally, but anyone who could speak for the family).

The family that owed cattle had come up with a new plan to settle their affairs. They had a daughter, who would soon be of the marrying age and would grant her hand in marriage TO ME and waiver the bride price in-lieu of the debt they owed.

I couldn’t refuse without making them lose face but I couldn’t accept,right?… right?

What would my grandfather have done? He was master diplomat and the wisdom of my ancestry flows in my veins.

Hi mina Beaton
wa Gilbert
wa Tsamwisi
wa Muzamani
wa Ndalega
wa Ngwena
wa Matsena
wa Bhangwani
weka Xinyori Xahomba
Wakanga nzela ribwe

I accepted their proposal, thereby cancelling the family’s debt and then in turn I asked my betrothed to free me from the obligation of our union, which she graciously granted.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that I had all but forgotten about this incident until I saw her anniversary post on Facebook and a tiny bit of me wondered if in a parallel universe, an alternate version had simply said I Do…. The path not taken…

Whats been going on your neck of the woods?

~B

#WinterABC24