Becoming The Muse

If money could talk, oh the stories it would tell about the places its been, the hands its shaken and the transactions its paid for….

In The Kingdom Of Funny Money, the United States Dollar is the most sought after currency, I wonder if the Federal Reserve is aware of how much money they export into the world… maybe they even think of themselves as some sort financial overload of the free world with One Currency To Rule Them All….

Since we do not have a franchise to print the green back, it means that the notes we have start out somewhere in the forges of the Federal Reserve Bank and then find their way to us. The state of some the money that has passed through my hands has had me wondering if it did not walk all the way from the United States; barefoot.

Ok that’s just silly, there’ an ocean between us, so it cant have walked, and if it had swum it would definitely be cleaner; maybe it crawled through trenches on the ocean floor.

There used to be a time when people would refuse soiled, and dirty looking notes that were rough around the edges. Nowadays people aren’t as picky, I guess beggars cant be choosers although some draw the line at notes that are teared up or repaired with transparent adhesive tape.

It’s like as soon as a note has a tear or tape on it, it becomes null and void, I don’t know the origin of this street law that unilaterally decommissions disfigured notes but in the court of public opinion, it’s binding. Maybe its because mailing back to the Bureau of Engraving and Printing (BEP) in the US which replaces mutilated notes free of charge is a bit difficult but even our own local currency notes are also subject to this street ruling despite our own Reserve bank assuring people damaged local notes can be replaced or redeemed at banks maybe the memo hasnt reached the streets…

Whenever money changes hands, you have to check that apart from not being counterfeit you also have to make sure that it isn’t torn and repaired with tape, because once its in your possession you are stuck with it, until you also pass it along to an unsuspecting mark.

I am a very trusting person and have fallen victim to this little exchange fraud more times than I can count. I have had to become quite adept at cleaning dirty money, you could say I dabble in a little bit of money laundry. Its simple really, you brush the note with soapy foam and spritz lightly with water and then delicately apply paper glue (removing the adhesive tape is the hardest part) Finally let it dry up nice and straight and boom, crisp money, good as new.  

The only thing worse than getting dirty money is being given funny money… (although I suspect the $1 bills and the bulk of the $2 bills that are circulating in Zimbabwe have ever passed through the United States Federal Reserve) One usually exercises extreme caution when handling notes upwards of the $10 bill. A simple on the go check on is to scratch the president’s jacket collar with your fingernail, on a genuine note you can feel the coarse print beneath. Of course, it’s easy to fall for the more elaborate counterfeit notes especially when you don’t have a counterfeit note detector…

You can prepare and be vigilant against scams but human nature’s ability to trust other humans will get the better of us….

Once someone stopped me and asked for solid notes, they said they desperately needed to have their money in large denomination notes because they wanted to do some banking (there was a time when banks declined banking anything less than a $5 USD bill I guess they knew things) Well I happened to have a ten-dollar bill and having loose bills made sense to me because getting change is another mission, so I figured why not kill two birds with one stone, get change and also help out a stranger in need…

They counted out ten $1 bills and handed them to me, I was careful to hand them the money after I had gotten the change (some people can just take your money and start running) I walked away congratulating myself at my vigilance, act of kindness and scooping some change while at it…

Later, I would realise that the change had been a couple of bills short, see I had watched them count and trusted their counting I hadn’t counted the money when I got it…

Trust No One

~B