Of Funny Money Dirty Money Laundry

If money could talk, oh the stories it would tell about the places its been, the hands its shaken and the transactions its paid for….

peeking into the reserve bank of funny money

In The Kingdom Of Funny Money, the United States Dollar is the most sought after currency, I wonder if the Federal Reserve is aware of how much money they export into the world… maybe they even think of themselves as some sort financial overload of the free world with One Currency To Rule Them All….

One currency to rule them all

Since we do not have a franchise to print the green back, it means that the notes we have start out somewhere in the forges of the Federal Reserve Bank and then find their way to us. The state of some the money that has passed through my hands has had me wondering if it did not walk all the way from the United States; barefoot.

money walking barefoot from the federal reserve bank

Ok that’s just silly, there’ an ocean between us, so it cant have walked, and if it had swum it would definitely be cleaner; maybe it crawled through trenches on the ocean floor.

There used to be a time when people would refuse soiled, and dirty looking notes that were rough around the edges. Nowadays people aren’t as picky, I guess beggars cant be choosers although some draw the line at notes that are teared up or repaired with transparent adhesive tape.

It’s like as soon as a note has a tear or tape on it, it becomes null and void, I don’t know the origin of this street law that unilaterally decommissions disfigured notes but in the court of public opinion, it’s binding. Maybe its because mailing back to the Bureau of Engraving and Printing (BEP) in the US which replaces mutilated notes free of charge is a bit difficult but even our own local currency notes are also subject to this street ruling despite our own Reserve bank assuring people damaged local notes can be replaced or redeemed at banks maybe the memo hasnt reached the streets…

Whenever money changes hands, you have to check that apart from not being counterfeit you also have to make sure that it isn’t torn and repaired with tape, because once its in your possession you are stuck with it, until you also pass it along to an unsuspecting mark.

I am a very trusting person and have fallen victim to this little exchange fraud more times than I can count. I have had to become quite adept at cleaning dirty money, you could say I dabble in a little bit of money laundry. Its simple really, you brush the note with soapy foam and spritz lightly with water and then delicately apply paper glue (removing the adhesive tape is the hardest part) Finally let it dry up nice and straight and boom, crisp money, good as new.  

The only thing worse than getting dirty money is being given funny money… (although I suspect the $1 bills and the bulk of the $2 bills that are circulating in Zimbabwe have ever passed through the United States Federal Reserve) One usually exercises extreme caution when handling notes upwards of the $10 bill. A simple on the go check on is to scratch the president’s jacket collar with your fingernail, on a genuine note you can feel the coarse print beneath. Of course, it’s easy to fall for the more elaborate counterfeit notes especially when you don’t have a counterfeit note detector…

You can prepare and be vigilant against scams but human nature’s ability to trust other humans will get the better of us….

Once someone stopped me and asked for solid notes, they said they desperately needed to have their money in large denomination notes because they wanted to do some banking (there was a time when banks declined banking anything less than a $5 USD bill I guess they knew things) Well I happened to have a ten-dollar bill and having loose bills made sense to me because getting change is another mission, so I figured why not kill two birds with one stone, get change and also help out a stranger in need…

They counted out ten $1 bills and handed them to me, I was careful to hand them the money after I had gotten the change (some people can just take your money and start running) I walked away congratulating myself at my vigilance, act of kindness and scooping some change while at it…

Later, I would realise that the change had been a couple of bills short, see I had watched them count and trusted their counting I hadn’t counted the money when I got it…

Trust No One




  1. Did you know what you ‘feel’ when you scratch the notes is actually security fibres (you can see red and blue ones throughout the notes too). Apparently US money is made from cotton and linen so when you wash it you are literary doing laundry.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. oddly because of the pandemic bank notes are rarely exchanged in America and there is also shortage of coins. So if you find yourself with more hard ca$h than it’s most likely because no one here is using it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. hmmm that makes sense and explains a few things hahahaha however we definitely dont have your coins I havent seen any of those in a very long time, I had a quarter once, years back lol

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I keep staring at the first photo, so interesting – you are magical! Such an interesting post about money, and how the US money has come to be in your part of the world like it has…. Kinda crazy, and never knew! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you
      oh and one thing I am curious about on US money, how common is it to see $2 notes we seem to have way too many of those hahahaha and the paper quality is rather suspect but no one really wants to give it a second thought because they serve a purpose hahaha


      1. We don’t see many $2 notes. I think I have one saved as a momento as they are rare these days. As I’m thinking about, they were never big in circulation soooo, I would be suspect! But hey, if they work and no one questions then I guess it’s okay? Hahaha 😂


  4. Many in the US hoard US coins thus now there is a shortage in distribution. Our local grocery store can no longer give jingle as change and is welcoming it from the customers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmm why are the coins being hoarded though? Have they found a use other than as money, once we had a coin shortage because a coin had some semi-precious metal which was more valuable than the value of the coin.. now we kinda have another “coin shortage” because basically the value for coins is meaningless and people have just stopped using them.


  5. I always try to make sure I move around the the exact amount I need cause getting change is hard. I have lost too much money that way.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s