If you were having coffee with me, I would be quite happy you joined me, and you would help me settle a tiny tiny dispute or rather back me up, when the storm starts. See, a few months ago my neighbours cut down a tree and a part of it fell over the wall and into our yard.
It would not be petty of us to claim the part that landed on our side as ours right? Any legal gurus reading this?
If you were having coffee with me, I would tell you that you can join me use the last of firewood from the conflict tree to cook a meal of mazondo possibly known as cow feet, cow hooves or cow trotters even though none of that quite accurately describes this sawed cow ankle bone meal.
If you were having coffee with me, I would tell you that in some circles this is quite the delicacy but it takes a long time cooking as you boil the leathery skin till it’s soft and chewy. One definitely cant afford to have this pot on the electric or gas stove, besides there hardly ever is electricity and the gas prices are outrageous so we will have to owe mother earth another apology for the deforestation, and pray that we come up with sustainable renewable energy solutions soon.
Our president seems to be a fan of this down to earth meal that he had it served mile high, in the luxury of a chartered jet, maybe to keep himself grounded on his frequent flights.
If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that on Wednesday the 10th of October Uganda; The Pearl Of Africa celebrated 57 years of independence and in what seems common to most African countries for some people, it’s hard to celebrate when there’s so much that still needs to be addressed but still we strive. Our head of state flew to Uganda to celebrate with his Ugandan counterpart as a guest of honour where he was awarded with The Most Excellent Order Of The Pearl. Grand Master
The Most Excellent Order Of The Pearl Of Africa. Grand Master (Nishani Ubora wa Lulu ya Afrika in Swahili) is the highest honour Uganda awards to heads of state and government. I am not entirely sure what this lofty award entails and a few of my Ugandan friends also had no clue or even to the merits of this honour which sounds reminiscent of former Ugandan President Idi Amin who at one point accorded himself the title:
His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular
If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that our frequent flyer head of state then left for Lyons, France; where he made a $1 million dollar pledge to the Global Fund for the global fight against HIV/Aids, TB and Malaria; in a gesture that seems either very generous, reckless or calculated to get onto the world’s good graces. Zimbabwe has benefitted over $1.7 billion of the Global Fund and maybe this was a way to ensure that door is always open. Although one wonders how the country would raise money like that, considering our runaway inflation which seems to be rivalling Venezuela for the number one spot and a perilous health sector.
If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that we may eat the same as the president but questioning aspects of his administration if deemed threatening, abusive or insulting intending to provoke a breach or possibility that a breach of the peace may be provoked is a potentially criminal offence with cases of people who have been hauled to courts on charges of disorderly conduct which contravenes Section 41(b) of the Criminal Law (codification and reform ) Act. One such case recently got acquitted but of course a point has been made, one is careful how one speaks, or writes.
Imagine if you had a parent who was hardly ever home, travelling in luxury attending all sorts of parties in the name of looking for presents to bring home seeming like an all round model parent, meanwhile home is a place with no running water, you running out of basics and you running away from the darkness because your parent forget to pay the electricity bill.
Don’t forget to wash your hands with warm soapy water, this most excellent mazondo leaves a sticky residue on your hands, bone apple tea.
Well whats going on with you and have an epic week ahead.