Of The Great TV Licence Conspiracy

TV Licence

I answered a knock at my gate, only to find it was a TV Licence Inspector and he was like ‘Sir I would like to see your VALID TV licence, if you do not have one; you can either renew it because I conveniently am authorised to issue out and renew licenses or I can write you ticket and you pay at your nearest police station so in addition to paying your license you also have to pay a fine within 7 working days or risk prosecution……

I might not know law but isn’t that a form of blackmail or extortion setup thing going on?

Anyway as I did not have cash on me nor did I want to go to jail I had a bright idea***:

I said to the guy “toita sei” meaning “what shall we do?” and he said “imi manga mati toita sei” meaning “what do you think we must do?

***This is the same conversation path you would delve down if you were seeking a bribe, I know people who take detours to avoid roadblocks with ZBC radio listener’s licences officials because they won’t pay car radio licences…. Oh I am firmly against bribes and corruption by the way

So I scratch my head looking thoughtfully into the distance and said “well… I dont have a TV…

His reply “I see a satellite dish on top of your roof you therefore have a TV…

And that’s when I was like “….but see if I have a sat-dish, doesn’t that mean to you I care not to watch your local TV and that’s why I might not pay TV licence (if I do have a TV and I don’t pay that is…) or maybe if you had better programmes and I did not feel I was being subjected to propaganda or endless repeats of stuff I watched growing up….

Yes I understand it costs money to get quality programming and if we don’t pay our TV licences then you can’t give us quality programming and well I don’t want to pay for substandard TV until I know I am not paying for shoddy viewing… and we reach an impasse… what for must happen happen now?

hmmm how about, can you as yet bar my TV from getting a signal….. Oh you havent gone digital yet ….. so I must pay simply because I own a TV…… besides how do you even know I have a TV hey wena jus because there is a fridge in my house doesn’t mean there is milk in it, just because my hair is the way it is doesn’t make me a witch-doctor I dare you to go look for my TV AND IF YOU FIND IT.. I will gladly pay the license, but IF YOU DONT…”

The inspector just walked away shaking his head…

I am now keeping gate locked and getting an attack dog and a sign that says

{Survivors will be hospitalised} !!!

I forgot to show him my phone and say “You see this phone it’s got…

  • a TV,
  • a radio,
  • a multimedia player,
  • a home theater system with flashing disco lights
  • the power of the internet and live streaming at the tip of my fingers
  • and other things I don’t know because the manual for it wasn’t in English

Do I need radio and TV license for it too?


PS where can I buy a TV that doesn’t have TV Tuner, not a TV but is simply a monitor? I wouldn’t have to pay a TV Licence for that now would I?

PPS would you rather have a month of Premium TV subscription or unlimited WIFI internet service?



    1. hahahahahahaha no, but that would make a great deal of sense, and you could hang it up on the wall even I am a certified a TV watcher … and then people would pay you to teach them how to watch TV……..
      The possibilities…..

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Hi Mr. B,

    Lol… When one is caught between a rock and a hard place. The conversation was hilarious.

    I don’t watch TV anymore, it sorta feels like the stone ages to me. The internet offers me more in terms of entertainment and information. Heck! My phone is far superior than any 1,000 inch TV screen. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think the laws should be revisited especially in this day and age. As it stands possession of a tv receiver is subject to licensing regardless you use it or not. (Might aswel charge every man for rape. Lol )

    Similarly to the car rear reflectors. Because the law says you should “stick”, even if your car has inbuilt rear reflectors you should still “stick”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hahahaha interesting analogy ….
      just the other day we got detained by the police for hours because what we had was a firestop aerosol can and not a fire extinguisher and the officer said this is not a fire extinguisher, and we try to explain that but hantie it does same job……

      Liked by 1 person

  3. WiFi Internet service for me please!!! 😀 Interesting post B. I like how it opens my mind up. *whispers* didn’t know about TV licenses… I do like your dialogue and how you won the case! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. How do you know if the inspector is genuine. Tell him to prove his is genuine. Or when the come tell them an inspector come yesterday and you paid him for it. Ask him if he can find out from the guy you paid when he is dropping off the license.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well it seems now, that a new law has been past and we will have to get licenses for our cellphones. I remember when they introduced car licenses, which meant each car had to have own license. So I am guessing if you have two cellphone you will need a license for each. I forsee the cellphone license replace the I.D.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Well he’s as bad as those people who go from door to door bleating about insurance and all the things you don’t want to hear.
    Anyway I love the fact your still on form and hope you are well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. and those other guys… who knock at your door and as soon as you open they are half way through a speech of bible phrases asking you if you have received Christ as your saviour ….. and when they ask if they can come again same time next week you are forced to say you are really an out of town visitor, and if they return you pretend you are not home….

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hilarious as usual. It seemed strange to me that he would come by and ask for your TV license. Don’t they send a bill or statement? Very philosophical argument. I was laughing throughout. Even read it to my parents. They thought it was funny also.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha I know right, I mean they really need to fix up their system, no bills or statements or even email alerts not even a postcard to remind you to renew your TV license, they used to when I was younger, a guy on a motorcycle would come by hand delivering notices and such…
      Thanks for dropping by

      PS Next time I am just going to say or I misplaced it check your records *smug smile* I bet they dont even have records or if they do they arent digital

      Liked by 1 person

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