If you were having coffee with me ……….
If you were having coffee with me, we would be having coffee by candlelight. This is courtesy of the power utility company who just switch off the electricity for no reason. Ok it’s not really for no reason its something called load-shedding, when the electricity usage becomes too high they flip a switch and here we are sitting in the dark.
Fortunately I had candles. I always keep them handy even though we do not get as many power cuts as we used to, I hope it’s a good sign, there was a time when we had no more than a few hours of electricity per day. Electricity was like that errant spouse who left before you woke up, only to come back after you went to bed.
If you were having coffee with me I would tell you about this one time when I was having dinner by candlelight. The thing about candles, they are not very bright, they don’t talk and shed very little light, even if you move the candle as close to your plate as possible and lean so near into the light that you smell something burning as the ends of your hair start smoking and possibly burst into flames (hair is spectacularly inflammable especially if well oiled and moisturised) or you singe your eyebrows, you still won’t really see clearly the stuff in your plate. Imagine you throw the last piece from your plate in your mouth thinking it’s a cubed potato you were saving as a dessert, and turns out to be something else.
Anyway, so there I was eating my supper and there just had to be this big bone, and I was attacking it whole-heartedly, trying to suck out the bone marrow, that’s the best part, so it’s said. So there I am busy licking and sucking you know, really going at that bone at all angles, then suddenly the lights came on, because the power was back, and I had a close encounter with my dinner.
In my hands was the complete jawbone of a pig with teeth and all….. I inspected it in the light and to my horror I had been busy giving tongue action to the teeth of it… some of them were clearly cleaner, sparkling even, compared to the others which were covered in layers of plaque and lawd knows what else pigs eat… Anyway pigs ain’t the most dentally hygienic animals that’s all I will say…
How I did not squeal and throw up right then and there is a testament to the skills I once told you about (see here) but it was still quite shocking I even thought of following up on a pain and suffering lawsuit against the power utility company but heck they got enough problems of their own.
Now I am all for not eating the heads of animals especially pigs and fish but that’s for another reason, it’s hard to eat something clearly looking at you.
If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that what’s cooked in the dark should be eaten in the dark… And what goes on in the kitchen is a story for another.
Now hurry up and finish your coffee before the lights come on.