Becoming The Muse

Guest Post

Culture is culture! I was born in a customary union which ended very early, although it is not my story to tell or to give justification on anything, our Shona culture always has a way of bringing these issues together and one way or the other you will be involved, this also does not have anything to do with your gender.

Back in 2019, I overhead a conversation, I cannot quiet recall if it was during a radio program at the radio station where I work at or it was just my colleagues who were discussing about “mombe yehumai”. I could hear this lady speaking passionately about how she had paid the token on her own, without anyone’s assistance. Although I was not involved in this conversation, it surely planted a seed of thought in my mind, I had to research about it.

After much research and discussions, it dawned on me that customarily, the “mombe yehumai” is the only cow which is given to the mother during lobola negotiations, as such it is widely thought that since in our Shona culture the mother is not regarded as your relative – yes! She is just your mother, you two are only related by birth not by blood. As such it is also widely believed that non-relatives are dangerous, “vatorwa vane ngozi” they say, this translates to the fact that whatever that belongs to your mother (in this case) is not your property and each time she shows displeasure about how her property is being handled or how that property is missing has consequences.

 Do you remember breaking your mother’s plates and her saying “punza hako Baba vako vanotenga” -break them your father will buy more- or something similar ?. Mothers are also sacred in that when she is not pleased by the manner in which she is being treated can result in serious repercussions, all of these only come to the surface when she dies – so I learnt.

My research particularly on the “mombe yehumai” part led me to some dark parts where it was alleged that non-payment of that cow led to serious misfortunes especially to the female child of a woman whose mother did not receive the cow. The explanation is that “mombe yehumai” is supposed to be delivered as a live beast in form of a young cow which has not yet reached its calf-bearing stage, in short it has to be a “mature calf”. The significance is that the female that’s getting married is a virgin and she shall go and become productive both by producing offspring and general home upkeep and developments to her new family.

As such if the cow is not paid, there is no guarantee that that child will become productive in her new family, that is if she even gets to get married in the first place. This last part prompted me to ask my mom because at this point I was fast approaching 30 and one constant thing had been happening in all areas in my life, I was stagnant in everything and worse off Mjolo!! (that’s all I can say).

“Ko Mama did Dad pay mombe yehumai?” – I opened a can of worms, that conversation took more than 2 hours and bottom line – my old man (who is late now) did not pay it. I started the process of engaging my brothers (who are from different mothers as well) so that we can map a way forward. They told me they also had the same kind of situation and it was wise that I do it on my own since we no longer had any uncles or aunts left, it was just us and the world.

I approached my Mom with the news that I wanted to pay the cow (it made sense since it was my life which was stagnant by the way), Mom said it was fine but my sekuru (Mom’s Dad) said he will accept that I come with the cow on condition that I bring two cows since the old man did not finish off paying his “danga”. I halted the process there and there because I thought I was just a child and 2 beasts at the same time were just too much for me since I was still trying to find my feet in the world and I was broke!

Having gotten wind of how I wanted to pay the beast for my mother, my grandmother sent word that I shouldn’t worry much about it, I could always pay it when I could. Unfortunately she passed away in 2023 and that is when I realised that indeed when that female that is not your relative passes away, everything changes. During her funeral wake, my grandmother’s relatives indicated that they were coming to collect everything that belonged to my grandmother including everything that was in her kitchen.

I then liaised with my mother’s relatives to let me bring the beast so that Gogo’s relatives can take the beast with them when they come. I was allowed to do so and was also informed that the beast is submitted along with a goat which is named “mbudzi yemunongedzo” – the goat is used as the object to point/or identify the cow.

 The mombe yehumai beast is regarded as sacred so pointing at it with your fingers is disrespectful. Usually the cow is tied to a tree, close to where the homestead’s cattle kraal is and when you take people to show them the cow, you take the goat with you to where the cow is, so that you can basically use it as the pointing stick hence the word “munongedzo”. This goat is then killed shortly afterwards and either cooked or given to the mother’s relatives.

I bought a very beautiful dairy beast and a goat, then delivered them to Chivhu (my mother’s home, where my grandmother was buried). After the distribution of my late grandmother’s belongings, my grandmother’s relatives decided that the cow will be left behind and when it gives birth to it’s first calf(ves) word will be sent out to both my father’s side (me and my brothers) and their(my grandmother’s relatives) so that we could have a celebration if we chose to, at this point I felt that these people were actually nice people after all, every other thing was just for formality purposes.

Looking back this is my deduction of the whole process – for starters there are no shortcuts to Shona culture, once you decide to do things the cultural way, you have to see the whole process through, one can never be selective about which practices to adopt and which ones to skip as doing this may invoke the bad side of the spirits (for a lack of a better word) that you would have summoned in the first place.

In this instance you cannot pay lobola and choose not to pay mombe yehumai, after all that’s the only cow the mother of the bride gets in the whole process! “Mombe yehumai inoenda ichitsika”- this cow can never have a monetary value attached to it, it has to be a live one, word has it that upon receiving it, the mother of the bride has to speak blessings upon the said cow for the benefits of her daughter’s offspring, in that regard, if the cow dies (God forbid) before it produces a calf, the cow has to be bought again!

The cow itself symbolises growth, production and prosperity as such one whose father does not pay it may encounter misfortunes. In that regard, if the father does not buy this cow, the family has to buy it and if not ,this whole process is left to the offspring, for the female offspring, this cow may be taken from the one that her mother is also supposed to receive upon her own lobola ceremony and the male offspring just has to buy it under all circumstances. This is in the case of children born without siblings, if there are siblings then it is up to the male first born to do this process.

We could dwell on this matter on how such a task becomes unfair on the offspring but bottom line is that culture is culture!

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About the author

Roseline Venencia Mutare is a 30 year old (at the time of publication) who wears many hats among them being a radio producer and presenter, lecturer, gender specialist, communication professional. She can be contacted via rosiemutare@gmail.com