Of The Things In My Fridge

Social media as a analogy

Lockdown settings have resulted in me spending more time online checking up on social media notifications, and constantly searching out for update…. navigating the fine line between boredom and hunger

Being online on a typical day is a lot like waking up and going into the kitchen to hunt for something to eat. (aren’t you glad we no longer have to literally go out and hunt?) You open the fridge to check if there’s anything readily edible, and at first glance, nothing.

Stick man looking into fridge filled with social media icons

You close the door and as you do, you might even wonder about the intelligent design that makes the light switch off when the fridge door is closed. Perhaps you have even tried to shut the door slowly to find that exact point where the fridge light switches… (maybe it doesn’t switch off and its on all the time)

There’s a plate of leftovers from some past meal… It doesn’t have a name on it but it seems to be calling yours. You take it and sniff it to ascertain its edibleness; it smells cold yet inviting, so you warm it up and eat. Satisfaction…. At least for awhile.

A little while later…..

You are back again, you open the fridge, scanning for something to keep the munchies at bay. You spy the milk and the idea of a cup of tea with an overly generous amount of milk (tea hobvu) tempts you with its creaminess. Alas, upon reaching for the milk carton you find that; its empty…… Who puts back an empty milk carton back in the fridge? Seriously who does that? You close the fridge door and saunter away to dispose of the empty box…

Somewhere along the way you; the quest for the cup of tea is forgotten but later the munchies come back and there you are, again, staring into the fridge….

At least the fridge is running….

If your fridge is running; you might want to consider chasing after it, it has your food in it after all… There was a time when the fridge had become a little more than a glorified storage unit because of the electricity loadshedding (where electricity was switched off for upto 18 hours a day to lessen the load on national grid) The fridge would be standing in a pool of water like a toddler with a leaky diaper, watching you, watching the mess it had made.

Fortunately in the past two weeks, have had constant electricity its something one could get used to and something some people take for granted that you flip a switch and the lights turn on….

But back to the fridge, scanning for a bite… Aha what is this? An ice-cream tub… but don’t mean to dash your hopes; there isn’t any ice cream in it… it’s got badly aged leftover offals … you don’t even need to sniff it; to tell its no longer safe for human consumption the mold infesting the tub has a sophisticate culture that’s impossible to dismiss.

Mold Vector Stock Illustrations – 4,408 Mold Vector Stock ...

How long can you age food in your fridge until you can throw it away without feeling guilty of wasting food…. There are starving kids somewhere, but how would I even send this food to them… actually I am a starving kid too… 

Hang on there was a pot in the fridge, maybe there’s something that requires heating up and you can rustle up a halfway decent meal….

But nooooo….. Guess what? The pot is empty, somebody been snacking on it and left it in the fridge…. *sigh* the dirty dishes keep piling up. The kitchen is impossible to keep clean, as soon as you clean out something, a new dirty utensil pops up almost immediately.

A little while later… back, again, starring into the fridge as if it’s a miraculous box which will magically restock itself while you are not looking, meanwhile… there’s only water and a Tupperware container clearly marked MINE: Do Not EAT. Obviously you drink the water but not because you are thirsty or that this is your fourth glass of water for the day and you could be trying out water therapy, apparently you should drink about eight glasses of water everyday…..

Several whiles later I am thinking about the mosquito I killed the night before. There it was, sucking the lifeblood out of me and like a zen ninja had waited for it in noiseless patient spider mode to relax, let its guard down as it grew plumb and maybe a little drunk on my blood; then quick as lightning, slap. Where the mosquito used to be was a red smear.

Imagine if by some sort of twisted karma the fridge is waiting for me to stick my head inside peering into its depth in search of something to eat and wham the fridge door would close cleanly biting my head off and maybe in the last few seconds of conscious I would truly know if the light in the fridge remained on after I closed the fridge…

Opening the fridge to have my eight glass of water for the day….. I am careful to maintain my distance, I call it social distancing.

*Bing* On my phone there’s new notifications from Twitter, Facebook and WordPress I should check if a trendy new meme has gone viral or if there’s a challenge I can hop onto.

Meanwhile a screaming sound erupts from the fridge as someone opens the Tupperware container labelled Mine to find inside there’s a note inside written Do Not Tell Me What To DO….

~B

A typical lockdown day.

PS Why did the chicken hide in the fridge?

>It didn’t.

It’s dead.

You bought it from the supermarket and put it in there because you want to eat it for dinner later…..

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