Trigger warning: Rape
If you were having coffee with me, I would ask you that:
If you came over for coffee and after I poured you a steaming hot hug in a mug and you decided you no longer wanted coffee and would rather have plain water instead…
Would you expect that if you declined the offered cup I would hold you down and forcefully pour it down your throat? That I might wait for you to fall asleep and then make you drink the coffee as you slept or might I even spike the water to get you pliable to the coffee even, no?
You certainly would not expect me to lock the door and say you can’t leave unless you drink the coffee I brewed, as you knew when you visited that I had invited you for coffee and what of all the time I spent preparing…
This sounds absurd right? And yet I refer only to a cup of coffee… what then of Consent.
In the past week the word consent has been trending as people discussed what consent is and the rape culture of entitlement. This followed a social media post about a lady who was raped after going to a sleepover at her boyfriend’s house.
As goes the culture of victim-blaming, some were quick to point out how the lady put herself in a risky situation by going to a sleepover if she did not expect the sex to happen…. Some argued that everyone knows what going to a sleepover at bae’s implies and people should not be naïve about it, while others countered that a sleepover had no such implication like Netflix and Chill, some genuinely just watch movies and chill.
Irregardless (yes, it’s a word move on) of what happens or does not happen at sleepovers and that couples need to be open about their expectations, at the end of the day, it comes down to one word, CONSENT… without which we are no better than animals, taking what we want when we want.
An infographic from Simon Fraser University on Consent Matters
An animated video by the Thames Valley Police explaining consent as simple as a cup of tea