Coffee With April Fools
If you were having coffee with me, I would be happy to welcome you to my tangle of words. It’s a new month and as per my productivity routine, a new folder on my computer…
Hello April… Do people still do April Fools pranks oro nah? My attempt at one didn’t quite play out the way I had expected… So there, I was sitting by the gate watching traffic speed by as if it wasn’t a public holiday – where are people rushing off to, ever so busy, no time to wave back at inquisitive car watchers like myself wondering if I will ever get to drive a car of my own in this economy?… Government recently banned the import of second hand vehicles 10 years and older…
Anyway, car drama aside, this cute as a button puppy came to investigate me, sniffing at my unclad feet, when a random stranger pulled up to compliment me on my beautiful puppy, then enquired if it was for sale and proceeded to make a very generous offer waving a wad of dollar bills, which I accepted with the full intention of saying “April Fools“.. but they bundled the puppy into their fuel guzzling beast of a car and sped off, leaving me in a cloud of exhaust fumes and dust from the potholed road….. If you are my neighbour and missing one of your puppies, cant blame a man for opening the boot when opportunity knocks.. Hello April.
If you were having coffee with me, I would tell you that sometimes its hard to tell if our government is making an April Fools prank or an actual policy change. For example they announced that the Zimbabwe National Road Authority is set to introduce a novel initiative to redefine discipline on the nation’s roads – crushing the offending vehicles as both a deterrent and direct action towards non-compliance with traffic regulations.
While that was revealed as a prank, I wouldn’t put it past them, I mean imagine while addressing the issue of Zimbabwe purportedly having expensive internet, the Postal and Telecommunications Regulation Authority went on to produce its research which suggests that the price of internet packages is quite comparable regionally and that the problem is that people have low disposable income, which makes data seem expensive.
Also, apparently, its because people buy expensive uncapped internet which is meant for businesses with hundreds of employees instead of sticking to the more affordable capped internet packages…
If you are having coffee with me, I would tell you that I do agree with one aspect raised by the authority, that people have low disposable income… our economy has been on a downward trajectory for a long time with the local currency so unstable businesses and people have resorted to using the United States Dollar as the benchmark price. Even the power utility company is now billing for electricity in USD which is then converted to the Zimbabwean dollar at prevailing interbank rate…
If you were having coffee with me, I would tell you that in the past week the Reserve Bank Governor’s term ended and a new Governor of the Reserve Bank was quietly installed. The former governor is infamous for introducing “Bond Notes” which were said to be surrogate local currency and at the time of issuing were at a rate of 1:1 with the United States Dollar with Zimbabwe even making claims at having one the strongest currencies in Africa….
The value of the Bond Notes (which later officially become the local Zimbabwean Dollar) has been continously losing value and at time of writing this article was at an official rate of 1: 23286 to the USD although the black market rate pegs it an astronomical 1:36000 maybe more…. Looks like despite the voodoo economic principles the Zim dollar has refused to rise.
Fortunately the new governor of the Reserve Bank is getting ready to introduce an all-new Structured Currency whose value will be determined by the value of the ZiG, an RBZ gold-backed token.… I have no idea what that means or how it will be carried or what measure of success it will bring – but looking it History which often repeats itself, cant blame people for feeling that everyday in this teapot shaped country is an April Fools prank…
If I had diposable income stashed away in a bank account, this is when I would be mass-withdrawing and banking it with my trusty ol National Mattress Savings Bank. How many times in one’s lifetime can one live through a currency crash? I am traumatised, I understand people who are constantly advocating that best thing a person can do is leave this country…
Home Became A Thing With Thorns – a title of one of the short stories in the book Drinking from Graveyard of Wells which so aptly provides a metaphor for people to not be shamed for fleeing from the Winter of their lives.
Whats been happening in your neck of the woods? How much is your monthly internet bill?👀
~B
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