How To Survive The Rapture
If you are reading this, today is the day, maybe tomorrow, maybe its yet to happen, for it is written, “No one knows the day or the hour”.
Every so often, the world and internet is inundated with news and predictions about The Rapture: a belief in some Christian traditions (particularly among evangelical groups) that, before or concurrent with a period of tribulation, true believers will be “taken up” (i.e. go to Heaven) , while others will remain behind to face their judgement, enduring endless plagues,
The current Rapture prediction was primarily popularised by South African pastor Joshua Mhlakela, who shared the “divine prophecy,” saying that Jesus will return to Earth on 23 or 24 September 2025, on a YouTube video posted on 17 June 2025.
Pastor Joshua revealed that the return of Jesus, will be announced by the Feast of Trumpets, which will ring in the Rapture and Judgement Day.
Social media users especially on TikTok has many believers (as well as skeptics) running with it; sharing, preparing (and joking about it). A KPMG trainee accountant and former actress of South African soapie Generations The Legacy sent out a global email about The Rapture with a 170 paged document to KPMG staff which caused quite a stir about comms protocol at the firm, among other things…
What do you do in the event of a Rapture?
If you hear trumpets look up 🎺🎺🎺
They’re not announcing a musical festival.
Don’t Hold On
If you’re going up, resist the urge to hold on to anything just let it carry you… Let go of the material things, you wont need your phone, money and other possessions. Travel light; don’t pack anything, the father’s house has everything.
Dress Practically
Gravity might not apply, but dignity still might, so dress accordingly, think comfort, modesty, and cloud-appropriate casual.. Heaven’s dress code is unclear, but designer drip and other accessories, might hinder your ascension.
For the leftovers
•Do not immediately start running wild… confirm that the rapture has indeed happened, give it a couple of hours, check with the news and emergency broadcast services, before you start looting and rioting.
•Stock up on dental protection: there will be gnashing of teeth.
•Keep bottles of water preferably Holy Water for hydration and purification, as there might not be any righteous people left to bless water. You can also try boiling the hell out of water.
•Prepare for plagues extreme weather conditions, have layered utilitarian clothing that can survive the end of the world and always wear sensible shoes.
•Colours to avoid: White, which stains easily, between the blood, ash and soot you’ll never keep it clean. Scarlet (too obvious), Ash Grey (too literal), and Neon (attracts locusts) stick to dark earth colours, blend in.
Don’t panic: Unless you’re in a panic-friendly zone. Then panic responsibly.
Stay calm
What are your thoughts on The Rapture?
Do I need to add a disclaimer that part of this post is satirical as people on the internet take what they see on the internet way more seriously than they should?…
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