Becoming The Muse

Of The Family We Choose

Sometimes can family can get under your skin, you know that one special outfit you are a saving to wear for a special occasion you come back home to find you sibling strutting in… Why are you wearing my clothes?. “Oh this? I have never seen you wear it so I thought you didn’t like it….” And then when you next wear it everyone thinks you borrowed it from your sibling…

How about this one, you don’t finish you dinner and decide to save it for tomorrow so you pack it away in the fridge and for good measure you even put a note that says: Mine Don’t Touch!!!

The next day,a when you open the fridge with expectations of continuing where you left off, you find an empty plate with a note saying: Don’t tell me what to do… I am fairly sure wars have been fought for less than this… for a little bit you might even wish you could pick your own family but you cant you stuck with these ones for life…

But wait you can also pick your own family…. just that we call the family we choose friends. You sometimes hear people joking about “a brother from another mother” or “a sister from another mister” but it really is a bond that isn’t easily trifled as you will find at times this pseudo-family will have your  back, sometimes even more than the family you were born into…

In the African context its very easy to become family, when you chat to someone long enough you can find common ground such as “Ah yes, your aunt is from this place, my grandmother’s brother married someone from there so we are now in-laws” and just like that you are family…

In Zimbabwe, where we have totems to identify one’s kinsmen, its even easier to establish relations with practically most people, because if you trace your family trees and totems you will find a common linkage of people who share totems…

The elders in their wisdom saw this might be problematic that when you dig deep enough, anyone is potentially your kin, provided an exit for those who might want to get married in the event that you wind up related to a perfect stranger.

A cow designated as “Cheka Ukama” which literally translates to cut relationship, usually a white cow is offered as tribute for purification rituals of the abomination after which one can marry their kin without causing a scandal. Some have used this as a loop-hole to pursue some highly scandalous incentuous liasons.

They say you cant choose your family but sometimes your family chooses you, sometimes you marry them.

~B

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