Of Words Over Weekend Coffee

If you were having coffee with me I would say to you “hello on this auspicious day” Well it’s like a regular day nothing auspicious about it but I figured that if I said to you “Hello on this auspicious day” you would feel welcome, unlike if I said “Hello on this suspicious day” even though it rhymes, you would think I was up to something, well I am not up to anything, mostly anyway, besides if I was up to something I would not want to let the cat get my thumbs thus forcing me to let go of the bag and thus let  the cat of the bag.

If you were having coffee with me, I would tell you that I love words, but then if you have been here long enough you have probably figured me out. I am a man who loves using words in a manner that if anyone heard or read (in this case) me, they would have to think there goes a man who knows what he is talking about, for a man to use words like that, one must be darn certain of what one is talking about.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you the 3 simple rules to seeming knowledgeable.

1. Do not talk about what you do not know.
2. Do not tell all you know.

If you were having coffee with me, I would be reviewing a book that I find helps me define words. See I am in a bit of a jam, I put down the book last night when I went to bed and today I couldn’t find it, maybe the creature that lives under my bed took it, anyway I can’t find the right words to define how I am feeling right now.

I was it rereading for the….. I have no idea, how manyeeeth time, but I keep learning something new. So I am not qualified to be a book critique (what are the qualifications if you do know please tell me so) but lemme share my two cents on this book.

Who writes a book like this?

It’s got unnecessarily big words and then repeats the meanings of the big words using smaller simple words, in same sentence. That’s really really redundant.

The plot is just so disconnected. Like, seriously what happened to the aardvark from the beginning, it was there on the first page and then never appears again.

Then, there is The Title who would name a book The Dictionary. What does that even mean, it’s not a name that inspires one with visions to tear out all its pages and then wrap them up around you and roll the remainder into a cigarette and then smoke all the words directly into your brain. (To be honest no book does that for me in case you are wondering, so do not worry about locking your books away fearing I will smoke them.)

The only reason I am still reading is because I am curious to see how all these subplots are connected.

how will it all end… I always forget its something about a zebra.

When I fell asleep I was at the part about The Blind Curtain called Drapes a shady character, if I do say so myself.

It’s not very original it has been adapted, revised and edited so many times new words keep getting added and now I heard the new words are not words at all the new words are lil emoticons like the smiling emoji or the laughing until tears of joy come out (and its the Oxford word of the year)

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that the if I was an emoji I would be this one ^_^ At least now,  years after finishing school, I now know the value of punctuation marks, they are for making funny little faces in text messages and commenting all over the internet.

If you were having coffee with me and you were not at this point rolling on the floor laughing or had not spluttered on your coffee, at least once I would call an ambulance for you, because your funny bone, something is seriously wrong with it, and the best medicine is what you really need.

Thanks for sticking through with my review and hoping your weekend great.

Cheers

~B

PS It must have been an interesting ordeal, to write the first dictionary. Imagine having to think up every word out there and then describe it…… without using the word itself.