I am a fixer.

I am a fixer not exactly in the way Shonda Rhimes’s creation Olivia Pope from the series Scandal is The Fixer.

Gladiator in a hat

I fix things, broken things *read as appliances, broken people are something else all together* When something stops working, before I call a specially trained technician, I try to see if I cannot fix it all by myself.

The way I figure it out is that you can’t really kill something that is already dead…….. and when I see the warning tag on appliances that says:

Challenge accepted

I take that as a personal challenge… BRING IT ON! Never dare me to a challenge, I accept.

But I am not reckless in my pursuit for fixing things; I adhere to a strict code of D.I.Y rules:

RULE 1 – If it ain’t broken Do Not fix it; this is very important, this is how you kill things, going on and messing around with a perfectly good working thing. (with people so as with appliances)

RULE 2 – A non-working appliance cannot  get any “deader”… I mean it was dead before I killed it, right?

RULE 3 – Before you get carried away with screwdrivers and such, try switching it OFF (praying a little) and then switching it ON again, it just might start working, like magic or a miracle. Imagine how you would feel when that’s all the repairman does and then bills you, or even worse they pretend to have done extensive work .

off & On

RULE 4 – when the above fails now you can be screwdriver happy and disassemble. You open it up, check for broken or unsecured connections even burnt bits, or anything weird, like if something that should be moving isn’t moving oil it, if something that should not be moving is moving super glue it, dirty terminals clean them.

RULE 5 -put everything back together, as much as possible the way it was before, do not be too worried about leftover screws; those guys use way too much anyway. Now, cross your fingers and try switching it on, mind that nothing explodes and be ready to switch it off if it acts up…. If it works congratulations we don’t really know what you did but it worked you are a fixer (thats how they do it too do not be fooled)… if it doesn’t work now you can call in the professionals and when they do fix it peer over their shoulders see everything they do see where you went wrong, or what you missed so that if this happens again you can now do it by yourself #LifeHack

RULE 6  Do try not to get yourself electrocuted, it’s quite shocking really.

And next I have a few open letters I want to share with the manufacturers of appliances:

Dear People

who manufacture appliances with impossibly weird-shaped screws how am I supposed to unscrew and fix them?

~P.S. I don’t like you

Seriously  what’s up with that

Dear people

Who make appliances held together with nothing but cleverly concealed clips which you can’t open without breaking I don’t like you either

and lastly

Dear Manufacturers why do you not include actually useful information in the instructions manual of appliances, like I don’t know a detailed schematic diagram showing screws, circuitry and everything? 

~B

Disclaimer: I am not a trained technician, and should you follow anything you read here and blow things up please do not cite my blog as your source and I think you might void your warranty if you attempt this at home or at work, try it at your neighbour’s house instead. You are welcome

PS  The thingie inside a microwave oven called a magnetron is horribly complicated….

PPS meanwhile in other news I need a new microwave oven……….

Photocredit Olivia Pope: Huffington Post