Becoming The Muse

The Adulting Hood

Growing up is a scam, I do not recommend.

When I was young, I used to envy the adults, how knowledgeable they were about life, the universe and everything else. I envied their freedom and the money they had to buy me things. Most of all, I envied how they did not have to go to school… No uniforms, no waking up at cruel o’clock.

I hated school, especially the bit about waking up early in the morning to get ready. I imagined as an adulthood was freedom with room service and couldn’t wait to grow up.

They say practise makes perfect, but I don’t think that included waking up in the morning, cause that’s something I still haven’t gotten used to, granted I don’t wake up kicking and screaming as I did back then, but adult me is so not a morning person.

I miss the blissful era when decisions were someone else’s problem and having no answers was perfectly fine. If I could time-travel and speak to my younger self, I’d say, “Slow down. This right here? This is the golden era.” But of course, I probably wouldn’t believe me, just like I didn’t believe adults who claimed I’d one day look back on school and laugh at all the things that were unfunny at the time.

My nephew didn’t go to school today… their teacher migrated to Australia over the weekend, didn’t tell anyone, until a day ago, when they sent a polite message on the school WhatsApp group suggesting the kids stay home, while the school figures out how to acquire a new early grade teacher. They even sent some homework to keep the young ones busy, which is how I became… an unpaid substitue teacher slash “babysitter.”

Now I’m explaining to a very insistent lad that I am not financially solvent while he continues to submit requests that range from a puppy to the PS6 (which isn’t even out yet) to a smartphone so he can play Candy Crush, to just candy. Okay, I can technically afford candy, but I’m under strict orders from HQ (his mother) not to contribute to sugar highs or cavity development. His milk teeth are falling out, and our faith and hope health plan does not cover dental.

Suddenly he announces he has a plan that can solve all our problems…

“Tooth Fairy”

Huh?  

He explains that since his teeth are already wobbly, he could… encourage them. Pop them out proactively. Place them under his pillow. The Tooth Fairy, in return, will deliver a million thousand dollars and we’ll never need to stress about money again. Bless his sweet, inflation-proof heart. But where am I supposed to find that kind of Tooth Fairy funding? Perhaps it’s time to introduce him to one of adulting cold, hard truths:

The Tooth Fairy is not real….

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